brooklynmonk

Wearing my Bones around Your Neck

In Uncategorized on August 2, 2013 at 11:53 pm

By Antonio Graceffo

Fred bones

As of May 19, 2014, Fred Schroeder, a pilot from Shenzhen has agreed to fight me, but then pulled out 14 times. His latest pullout took less than four minutes. I guess with all that practice he got better at it. He talks big, though, telling me all the horrible things he will do to me after “Your laying their all bloody”. He even said he would pee on me, which I found very disturbing. But easily, the most idiotic thing he has said was:

“After I beat Antonio Graceffo, I am going to wear his bones around my neck.” Grandpa Fred Schroeder

Fred fight prince

I’m a little vague on this whole, beating me and wearing my bones around your neck thing. So, let’s break it down and walk through the steps. First, I assume you have to kill me in the ring for this to work. So, picture the fight night. I am dead, laying on the canvass. You receive your trophy, take some obligatory photos with the ring girls, and then, I guess, you lift my dead corpse onto your shoulder and carry it back to your dressing room. You prop me up against the wall, while you shower and change clothes. Then, you carry my body, which weighs 90kgs (remember you called me fat ass), out to the street and you hail a taxi. The taxi driver doesn’t notice or doesn’t care that you are transporting a dead body, and he brings you back to your hotel.
Next, you’re always bragging about how much richer you are than me, so I imagine this is a pretty nice hotel, the kind that doesn’t normally allow guests to carry corpses up to their rooms. So, you bribe the hotel manager, or make up a story about me being drunk, and you carry me into the lobby. Remember too, that when people die, their bowels release. So, you would be lugging this extremely heavy, dead body, which is leaking urine, poop, sweat and probably blood. But maybe you like that.
Do you just hoist me over a shoulder and get on the elevator or do you pay the bellhop to carry my body on one of those wheely carts? Up to you.
Finally, you get me back to the room and begin extracting my bones. Did you remember to bring your equipment and chemicals with you? Or, did you leave them in Shenzhen? If you left them, then you have to somehow get me onto an airplane, which would probably entail buying a ticket, or dismembering my corpse with a fire axe in the hotel, in which case, you can kiss your damage deposit goodbye.
Even if you were willing to endure these many, and often disgusting, steps given my bodyweight and the more than 30 years I spent training for fights, I would have to believe my bone density is much higher than that of other people and my bones would be extremely heavy and uncomfortable to wear around your neck.
After reviewing the steps, I can only surmise that you haven’t thought this one through. So, I am assuming this was more hot air on your part. Of course, if we go back to the beginning of this analysis, it is all predicated on you winning the fight. In order to win, you would have to show up. And I seriously doubt you will even get that far.
MMA fight! See Antonio “The Brooklyn Monk” Take on Grandpa Fred Schroeder in China
Brooklyn Monk, Antonio Graceffo is a martial arts and adventure author living in Asia. He is the author of the books, “Warrior Odyssey’ and “The Monk from Brooklyn.” He is also the host of the web TV show, “Martial Arts Odyssey,” which traces his ongoing journey through Asia, learning martial arts in various countries.
Warrior Odyssey, the book chronicling Antonio Graceffo’s first six years in Asia is available at amazon.com. The book contains stories about the war in Burma and the Shan State Army. The book is available at http://www.blackbeltmag.com/warrior_odyssey
See Antonio’s Destinations video series and find out about his column on http://www.blackbeltmag.com
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Order the download at http://3dguy.tv/brooklyn-monk-in-3d/
Brooklyn Monk in Asia Podcast (anti-travel humor)
http://brooklynmonk.podomatic.com
Brooklyn Monk in Asia Podcast (anti-travel humor)
http://brooklynmonk.podomatic.com

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